Swallow your PRIDE and ask for help

Whelp... 

Mild panic attack during my Math 140 exam because I forgot what it is I am supposed to do. I ask the teacher and I hate to say but he gave me a total smart behind answer and chuckles under his breath. 

"Hello Grace, are you stupid?"

 I say to myself as I walk back to my desk, desperately fighting back the tears. 

"It's now or never Grace, you get it or you don't and if you don't get it then turn the test in... no need to stand there and stare at it like you will remember" 

I've been in school for years people, and one thing I've learned, no matter how long or how hard you stare at the paper or question, the answer is not going to just appear on the test. Nor are you going to have miracle and know how to just answer it by staring aimlessly. 

So I turn in the test.

 I'm done. 

No need to stress. 

Of course I grab my phone right away and text both of my lovely's back who have sent me a text during the test. 

I just need a pick me up. 

Just a "it will be ok Grace." 

Of course they both give me that, David and Cari Ellen are both at so good at lifting my spirits when I self distrusted my spirits. I had completely torn myself down today. 

Cari Ellen turns into her usual route makes me laugh and we start talking about anything and well everything under the sun. 

Thanks my lovely BFF who knows just what to do without even thinking about it. 

But David and I had a more serious conversation. One that reminded me of one reason #84391283278192738121 

as to why he is my soul mate, the one for me, my boyfriend, my love, my honey bun, my everything. 

I'll recap the conversation for you guys. If you don't want to read it skip ahead...

Me: "I just bombed that test and that class... There's no hope"

David: "Well why? Did you even study?"

Me: "Of course I studied and I failed because I am dumb and I can't do it, I didn't understand the test, and I totally for sure failed it. I am totally gonna fail the class"

David: "Grace, why didn't you ask for help? I could have taken a look at it and explained it to you. I love you, and would be willing to help you. We will look at it and you will come out of that class alright"

Then it dawns on me, I delayed my answer...

 Why didn't I ask for help?? 

I have a totally willingly helpful boyfriend, who would go into any measures to help me. He has rescued me SO many times before, why would a totally intimating scary math problem stop him? 

It wouldn't...

But I realize it has nothing to do with him. 

It has all to do with me and stubborn, foolish pride. 

My own punishment for something I can not change about myself. (other than the fact that I am a math dumby)

 Hello my hearing, back to the world of silence for me!

I punish myself so much in school because of my hearing and there is truly nothing I can do about it. I don't ever ask for help because I feel like I am looking for a handout when I do that. I feel like I am abusing the privileges that someone else who is more needy than me could use. I don't want to waste my "help" cards on one that may not be important, there may be a more important one coming my way... I just don't know it yet.

 So I simple punish myself and clearly my grades suffer sometimes. 

But I am entitled to these helps, by anyone anyway. I simple cannot help what happened to my ears some 22 years ago. So I make a vow to myself to stop being such a hard head and asking for help when I might need it. 

"Just ask a question Grace, it might help make things a little clearer."

So that is what I am going to do from now on. Well I can't promise that I will always do it, but I am working on swallowing my punishments and asking for help.

By my guest in helping me, David has already started.

Thanks love bucket, I knew there was a reason why I love you so much...

For those of you wondering, Yes I text him and yes I told him just that

"That I am a stubborn hard head punishing myself"

He says "Sweetheart, if I can ask for help sometimes, we all know you can"

Because we all know at the end of the day, when it comes to winning the hard headed challenge, he has me beat, and people that is reason

 #83329023478192738219243 why I love him.

Because he is a total hard head and doesn't give up on what he believes in... 

Me

David, if I don't tell you enough, thanks for believing in me and being my #1 fan. I love you!